Musings on "Farewell"

Prelude :: This posting is dedicated to the FCO - Coimbatore Team which gave me a raving farewell from CBE when I marched back to chennai....
Dear All
Since the computer at my home was not in order, I had to wait for 1 full week to see and hear the feedbacks given by various FBSCians at CBE. The first time I saw the whole of video file at my sister's house along with my sister and niece; second in my cousin's house along with their family. But I had the curiousity to see it all over again all alone at my home today after the computer got repaired...!! I was keenly looking into the eyes and the expressions of those who spoke in the video file; appeciated their feelings lot more than how much they intended to reveal it to the video camera.....!!
I put forth few of the revealations that I had in this "feedbacks" that I got.....!! Well, its a poetic justice to get so much of nice feedbacks to some one who has been so oriented in the art of giving feedbacks to people around - incessantly and intensely.....!!
First thing first, as I made a mention on my farewell day (which is 9th Nov 2009), its so wonderful to see that there is some recognition in this world when we offer ourselves whole heartedly to improve upon the culture of the work place. This "respoding" ability (courtesy :: Sadhguru) of the world is sufficient enough to keep people-oriented people like me to get moored to our roots.....!! Though I had guessed already that they are planning some thing big for my farewell, let me candidly accept that I did not expect "this" much of earnestness in organizing a farewell to me.
Secondly, symbollically speaking saying bye to a group of people / place is no different from saying a final bye to the world and leaving the body. The amount of satisfaction with which I left CBE is a sufficient revealation for me on "how" I should live for the rest of my life... so that I leave the world with the same mood and satifaction.....!! After all, they say only imperfect souls and people with deep longing come back to earth again and again....
{I really dont intend to tell this world is such a bad place to come back ....... Just eager to taste some thing else about which I dont know much right now !! It could be quite nice to be a celestial body for a while or permanently......What rubbish I am imagining....see !! I can equate this childish wish with my never satiable curiousity to taste new food stuff and to experiment, experience and appreciate those taste buds which I never had given work earlier.....!! Some people never change, right ??}
Thirdly, I do nourish a dream of making myself available in a much bigger way in the future....Its a clouded picture of a teacher to me as of now {though I am undecided on what I will teach - will it be Accountancy, soft skills or yoga.... or just life - as people like TT Rangaraajan describes himself about....!!} but honestly I dont have concrete plan about it as of now. This farewell is nudging me very gently but at the same time very fiercely to look deep into myself and my skill sets to push me into what I want to become - if only, I am serious enough...!! When I looked into the eyes of the girl who unable to speak up whats in her mind for a while ( I mean in the video file ) finally decides to tell me in her feedback "we like you very much suren !!", I see a strong possibility of being a likeable person to lot more people....!! The whole surprise for me is that this type of feedbacks came up not from the team members with whom I was talking a lot ... but from many with whom I have not interacted much.....!! The close circuit of my friends starting from the supervisor who reported to me never could gather themselves to give me any feedback....!! Yes, take it from me, silence is golden.....!!
Fourthly and lastly, this farewell gave a big thump to my self image...and as I rightly mentioned to my team on my last day (which is the next day after the farewell) about Gauthama Buddha's story which I heard from Sadhguru....I got a self confidence to do some thing about even if I am put in hell....!! Yes, what we achieve in life substantially depends upon what is the mood that we are in when we take up any assignment....and I am reaching a mental maturity with this farewell that ..... I am capable of being excited without any external reason....!! A brittle person that I was all these days - has gradually mellowed (or hardened ??) to be a personality who is mentally so tough and very hard to break....!! This did not happen as a sudden revolution within BUT the transformation over a long period of time really got culminated with this farewell evening.

This musings is in a way special to me....as I have vented out all my feelings about my current mental state.....and feel in a way very relieved and lighter....!! I am quite eager to watch myself in action from now on....and will be really curious if I can allow a slide from such a position...(Have you seen Indian cricketers batting second....many times they allow themselves this tragedy, right ??) ..... No resolutions !! No emotional pledges !! No tears.....from me....!!

Its all action outside and crystal clear silence inside...!! Can I....?? Will I .....?? Wont I......?

Love and Regards
Suren
enappadum
Suchoo aagiya....
Varakavi......!!