Old Poems - "Penance with Words"

Dear All
Interestingly this second old poem pasted has a connection with the first one (MRTS) of the earlier posting.
I posted MRTS at my office Entertainment Board but I realized that so many (literally no one) understood what the poem was about...perhaps they could not decipher the title and get connected that I was telling about my Train !! This poem was written with certain amount of frustration and certain amount of intensity....with my Guru's grace, got some wonderful feedbacks (touching one was the hand shake and molten words of Ravi, the scanning personnel) to me and earned some unforgettable friendship....
Here you go....along with a prelude to the poem (without which you cannot understand the title of the poem clearly).
Think I should stop the posting here.....for today.....!!
Suren

Old Poems - MRTS

Dear All
This poem was penned when I first travelled in the MRTS or the "flying train" as it is affectionately called in Chennai. This is quite special to me as it is one of the extempore poem very genuinely written mentally while I was sitting in the train (clearly can recall that I completed it mentally before even the train came to ground level after Chindadrepet station). Well, though this note is a duplication, I prefer to post the screenshots of my original words of PRELUDE which I recorded when I typed out the poem....
Here you go....
There were two "thukkadas" too that were written on the same occassion...Not so impressed with myself, still I prefer to record them here....(much before the main poem)

Suren

Musings on "Flashbacks - anew"

Dear All
It has been going on in my mind for quite some time to post all my old poems with sufficient introduction about the situation of each of the poem....into this blog. As of now I preserve them in the C drive of my (not so dependable) computer and it will be much more safe to keep it here...
Yesterday I was just going thru' the various poems that I have been posting since Dec 2006 (the first of my "serious" poem was penned on the eve of my daughter's 6th birthday....!!) - it was really a pleasant feeling to see 50 - 60 poems that I have posted until now. Poems according to me is the most closest expression to the heart and got certain auro about them !! My writing style had been quite consistent in terms of subject (yes.... not much varied...again and again only oriented towards my abstract feelings more than about any material subject of the world) and - as I went thru' them - I got connected to the mood and thoughts of each of the situation quite vividly. In fact, the past poems are quite an easy tool to get connected to the glorious moments of the past and get renewed for the uncertain future.....!!
Well, here I go starting to post my past poems one my one....!! (Lemme complete this exercise within next 2 - 3 months....OK :-) )
Suren

Musings on "Farewell"

Prelude :: This posting is dedicated to the FCO - Coimbatore Team which gave me a raving farewell from CBE when I marched back to chennai....
Dear All
Since the computer at my home was not in order, I had to wait for 1 full week to see and hear the feedbacks given by various FBSCians at CBE. The first time I saw the whole of video file at my sister's house along with my sister and niece; second in my cousin's house along with their family. But I had the curiousity to see it all over again all alone at my home today after the computer got repaired...!! I was keenly looking into the eyes and the expressions of those who spoke in the video file; appeciated their feelings lot more than how much they intended to reveal it to the video camera.....!!
I put forth few of the revealations that I had in this "feedbacks" that I got.....!! Well, its a poetic justice to get so much of nice feedbacks to some one who has been so oriented in the art of giving feedbacks to people around - incessantly and intensely.....!!
First thing first, as I made a mention on my farewell day (which is 9th Nov 2009), its so wonderful to see that there is some recognition in this world when we offer ourselves whole heartedly to improve upon the culture of the work place. This "respoding" ability (courtesy :: Sadhguru) of the world is sufficient enough to keep people-oriented people like me to get moored to our roots.....!! Though I had guessed already that they are planning some thing big for my farewell, let me candidly accept that I did not expect "this" much of earnestness in organizing a farewell to me.
Secondly, symbollically speaking saying bye to a group of people / place is no different from saying a final bye to the world and leaving the body. The amount of satisfaction with which I left CBE is a sufficient revealation for me on "how" I should live for the rest of my life... so that I leave the world with the same mood and satifaction.....!! After all, they say only imperfect souls and people with deep longing come back to earth again and again....
{I really dont intend to tell this world is such a bad place to come back ....... Just eager to taste some thing else about which I dont know much right now !! It could be quite nice to be a celestial body for a while or permanently......What rubbish I am imagining....see !! I can equate this childish wish with my never satiable curiousity to taste new food stuff and to experiment, experience and appreciate those taste buds which I never had given work earlier.....!! Some people never change, right ??}
Thirdly, I do nourish a dream of making myself available in a much bigger way in the future....Its a clouded picture of a teacher to me as of now {though I am undecided on what I will teach - will it be Accountancy, soft skills or yoga.... or just life - as people like TT Rangaraajan describes himself about....!!} but honestly I dont have concrete plan about it as of now. This farewell is nudging me very gently but at the same time very fiercely to look deep into myself and my skill sets to push me into what I want to become - if only, I am serious enough...!! When I looked into the eyes of the girl who unable to speak up whats in her mind for a while ( I mean in the video file ) finally decides to tell me in her feedback "we like you very much suren !!", I see a strong possibility of being a likeable person to lot more people....!! The whole surprise for me is that this type of feedbacks came up not from the team members with whom I was talking a lot ... but from many with whom I have not interacted much.....!! The close circuit of my friends starting from the supervisor who reported to me never could gather themselves to give me any feedback....!! Yes, take it from me, silence is golden.....!!
Fourthly and lastly, this farewell gave a big thump to my self image...and as I rightly mentioned to my team on my last day (which is the next day after the farewell) about Gauthama Buddha's story which I heard from Sadhguru....I got a self confidence to do some thing about even if I am put in hell....!! Yes, what we achieve in life substantially depends upon what is the mood that we are in when we take up any assignment....and I am reaching a mental maturity with this farewell that ..... I am capable of being excited without any external reason....!! A brittle person that I was all these days - has gradually mellowed (or hardened ??) to be a personality who is mentally so tough and very hard to break....!! This did not happen as a sudden revolution within BUT the transformation over a long period of time really got culminated with this farewell evening.

This musings is in a way special to me....as I have vented out all my feelings about my current mental state.....and feel in a way very relieved and lighter....!! I am quite eager to watch myself in action from now on....and will be really curious if I can allow a slide from such a position...(Have you seen Indian cricketers batting second....many times they allow themselves this tragedy, right ??) ..... No resolutions !! No emotional pledges !! No tears.....from me....!!

Its all action outside and crystal clear silence inside...!! Can I....?? Will I .....?? Wont I......?

Love and Regards
Suren
enappadum
Suchoo aagiya....
Varakavi......!!

Bondage......!!

Hi

Many people misunderstand physical proximity (or availability) to be a pre requisite for bondage and affection....!! All the mental agonies and wails when we miss some one stems out of this misunderstanding. In fact, I personally have felt in more than one occassion that it is not really required to be close to the person whom we love...to love !! On the contrary, I had had experiences of dilution of the relationship when we are in close proximity of such admired relationship mainly due to too much of interactions leading to unnecessary confrontations / avoidable communication gaps.

The healthiest of relationship can exist only when we are in touch in mental plane. I still vividly recall the depth of my relationship with some of my college mates and school mates with whom no longer I am in touch.....!! The mere thoughts of such nice relationships are enough to get inspired for my today....! (very difficult to put this in black and white...I dont mean really mean dreaming about past....just get the feel and get moored to the present..!!)

Dont we know the art of not speaking to some one who sits next to us in office / college ? If this is practically possible, then having a bondage out of physical realm too is definitely possible at least technically, isn't it ?? I am not advocating spiritual truths of having relationship beyond time and space...but will not wonder if I am leading towards this type of realities which are bit far off for me as at now...!!

Loving all as propounded by all religions is only possible when we create a gap from us and our physical realities....!! If we are going to suffer for every little loss that happen to us physically, then how are we going to evolve further ?? I dont mean being inhuman to people around us...but just learn to enjoy their absences too as much as their physical presence.....!!

Too much bragging for today...Bye....!!
Hope I will be regularly posting from now on....

Suren

Signing off from CBE

Dear All

What to tell ?? How to tell ?? I never expected that I will leave the wonderful city Coimbatore within such a short span...but it happened !! Its not that I was in my "high" through out this stay...I had bouts of depression and confusion without which I dont typically exist....
But definitely I discovered myself much more during this stint and had touched my "high"s quite often in this period of stay.... I have too many things to remember and cherish about... !! Suren who came to chennai during Nov 09 is definitely not the same person who went during Jan 09..

Well, I still remember the moment when the announcement of my transfer to chennai was made.... The sweetness in the pin drop silence out of the disbelief and shock of the team brought in a big smile from my colleague, the Center Manager. When he repeated the statement again, there was a meek voice which bounced off " you must be joking !!"..... summed up all the mood of my dear team. What I was doing ?? Staring intensely at the floor carpet helplessly not able to meet any one's eyes....!!

On the same night - after reaching home - I penned a poem bit abstract....in my mind as well as in diary....which was not satisfactory any way. I think it was oct first week and it took more than a month for me to review it and refine it....and make it ready for your eyes...

Before reading the poem, let me gently remind you all that I stayed in CBE roughly for ten months...Here you go....